


Smoking again

by Spidermansalterego



Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, implied minor violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 15:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18995806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spidermansalterego/pseuds/Spidermansalterego
Summary: Chandler comes out to Joey after a rough day.





	Smoking again

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for the F-slur and homophobia. Also not actually sure if Joey and Chandler actually have a fire escape or not but let's just say they do if not.

The door slams behind him as Joey walks into the apartment. He hums to himself as he grabs a beer from the fridge. He takes a big gulp and then realizes something is off. There's no sign of Chandler. The clock on the stove tells him it's 9 o'clock and aside from the coffee shop and Monica's place, he's rarely out past 8. He peers into the empty bedroom.

"Chandler?" 

He knows he's not at Monica's because he just came from the coffee shop where Monica just told him she had, in her words,  _an incredibly handsome date._ and that she would  _kill all of them if they're in my apartment when I bring him home._

"Chan?" He calls out again, walking down the hallway and finding the bathroom empty too. It was unlike him to be out, especially without a note, and the whiteboard has only a picture of a duck on it that Joey drew before he left.

Joey was about to give up on the search when he noticed smoke from the fire escape. His worry turned into annoyance when he realized what was happening. Chandler sits out on the fire escape, with a smoke in his hand and a pile of butts near his feet. He'd clearly been out there for a while. His back stays turned when the door opens, so he must have heard Joey come home and kept quiet.

"C'mon, dude. You've not supposed to be smoking." 

"And yet, here I am! Smoking!" 

His tone throws Joey off. His sarcasm was sharper than usual, like he was trying to mean instead of funny, and he kept his back to him as he said it.

Joey returns the sharpness. "Well, stop it."

"Make me." 

Joey attempts to do just that by grabbing the cigarette out of his hand. He surprises Chandler in the process, causing him to flinch and nearly fall off of the milk crate he's perched on. The smoke falls to the metal floor.

"What the hell?" he exclaims, turning his face away from Joey as quickly as he can. Joey catches the state of him regardless, and suddenly understands why there's a pile of butts on their fire escape, and why Chandler sounds so off.

Chandler's eye is black, there's a bruise on his cheek and his lip is split. There's dried blood smeared on the side of his mouth and it matches that on the filter of the cigarette accumulating on the ground. If chandler was in his right mind, he'd make a joke about how it looks like lipstick, and how it's  _so_ not his shade. But he's not, so he doesn't, just lights another cigarette and stares at the city.

Joey doesn't know what to do or say. Anger is building up in his gut and spreading throughout his body. His fist clenches and clenches. He wants to kill whoever did this, wants to make them look worse than Chandler does right now. He manages to get out the words through clenched teeth. "What happened?"

 

"Got on the wrong bus." Chandler shrugs and takes a drag, blowing the smoke out slowly when he's done. "Did you know that people uptown think that I look like a faggot?"

Joey's stomach drops. "Someone did this because they thought you were gay? What the hell, it's the nineties, people should be used to gay people by now!"

Chandler laughs, but there's no joke, no humor at all when he speaks. "Y'know I'm not fucking gay, right?"

"Right, right. Yeah, I know that, man." Joey shakes his head. "Still".

"Still?" 

"People should be nicer" Joey says, looking at the floor. His anger is still running through his veins but it takes a make seat to his discomfort. He's never seen Chandler like this and it's making him uneasy. Even in the worst situations, Chandler shrugs it off and makes a joke, and pretends it's okay. He's never seen Chandler look so defeated before, and he's not sure how to handle it.

 

"Yeah. They should." He pulls out his pack and lights another. 

Joey is snapped out of his haze and decides to take charge. "So, you're not just smoking now, you're chain smoking? That's enough, man. Just come inside, I'll help you clean that up."

"What it's not a good look? I figure if I chain smoke with a fat lip maybe I won't look like such a damn fairy."

"Chandler, c'mon. I know you're not gay, you know you're not gay, that's all that matters, right? Who cares what some assholes think?"

"Well, what if they're right?" His voice breaks. "What if I'm just a damn queer. What if deserve what I got. What if I deserve to get the shit kicked out of me because I checked out some guys ass, which I didn't even do! I just looked in his general direction and he decided that I look so gay that that's what I  _had_ to be doing. Whatever, it was just an excuse anyway. I could be blind and he still would have kicked my ass because I'm just a dirty fucking faggot."

"What?" Joey stares at his friend, not quite understanding what he meant. 

"You heard me." He finishes his cigarette off, flicks it to the ground and stands up to face Joey. "Huge surprise, huh?"

"I don't understand? You're...?" He trails off, leaves the question unfinished. 

 

 

"Are you actually that stupid? I'm gay, Joey. Okay? I don't want to be, and I'm trying not to be, but clearly" He gestures wildly to his face "It's not working."

His insult stings but he tries not to let it get to him. He just stares at Chandler, trying to process the information all at once. Chandler is right, it's not much of a surprise. Hell, even Joey assumed he was gay when they first met, but he was taken aback by the heated confession, and the self loathing that fell off of every word.

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

Chandler laughs. "Because I couldn't even admit it to myself until about two seconds ago."

"But haven't you, I don't know, kissed a guy before? Maybe you're not even gay, man, maybe those guys just got into your head."

"Just because I haven't admitted it doesn't mean I haven't kissed a guy before". His voice sounds empty when he speaks.

"You've kissed a guy?"

Chandler sighs, runs his hands through his hair. He turns his back to Joey so he can't see the emotion he knows is written all over his face. He leans over the railing slightly before he finally speaks. "Junior year I kissed someone on the baseball team, did more than just kiss actually, and the next day he told me he'd kill me if I told anyone. Him and his buddies broke my nose once rumors started that I was queer. Guess he wanted to make sure everyone knew he wasn't gay, just in case. I haven't even looked at a man, since. Didn't do me a lot of good, I guess."

They stand in silence. Joey wants nothing more than to make his pain go away. He walks over and touches Chandler's arm, gently, but he flinches nonetheless. Joey has an idea suddenly.

"Can I-" He blurts out the first two words before stopping himself, doubting how well the idea would actually go.

"What?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Well, I thought maybe if you think of me as your last kiss, instead of that baseball guy, you might be more okay with being gay." He admits.

He can see Chandler's eyes soften, even though they're stuck to the ground. "I don't think that's how it works."

Joey carefully puts his hand on Chandler's chin, tilting it up so that he's forces to face him, and he looks him right in the eyes. He doesn't know what to say to make this better, so he tentatively goes for it, their lips barely touching. When he feels the smallest smile beneath him, he instinctively gives it all he's got. His hand falls from his chin to his neck, then all the way down to his waist. He deepens the kiss when he feels Chandler's body pressed against his own, his hand carefully on Joey's cheek. After a few seconds, Chandler abruptly breaks the kiss by taking a step back. Joey feels dazed. 

"Thanks." He says, sincerely, and then ruins it with a joke. "Best acting performance of you life, man. Almost felt like you were into it."

He claps Joey on the shoulder and opens the door to the apartment. "Guess I'll go wash the blood off and try to think of a half decent excuse for why I look like the end of Rocky."

Joey forces a laugh and watches him walk in. He touches his finger to his lip and notices it comes back with a smear of red that matches that on the butts on the ground. Even though Joey's never smoked he suddenly understands why Chandler does. He suddenly wants a cigarette. Because suddenly, all he wants, is to kiss Chandler again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a pretty rough, might fix it up later but I probably won't tbh.


End file.
